“what is there in thee, Moon! That thou shouldst move my heart so potently?”

John Keets

When I look up into the clear night sky I am filled with such wonder and awe at the lunar sphere, it captures my imagination. Our nearest heavenly body. I was born in 1972 a mere 3 years after Armstrong and Aldrin stepped on the surface of our nearest celestial neighbor and Collins sails the dark side of the Moon. Even as I write now and use words reserved for divine reflection like heavenly and celestial, I am caught by the contrast between mundane rock that orbits ours and the wonder and hope it symbolizes.

What should have been the beginning of a golden age of exploration into the infinite expanse of space, now fifty years on seems to have opened us up to the void of futility. What as a wide eyes young man appeared as an opportunity to boldly go where no one has gone before was resulted in a loss of faith, hope and with them love.

As I preside over a church that has lost the attention of those who search for meaning and answers the most and instead is populated by people feeling forgotten and unloved by a society moving too quickly by them, I find myself asking if I am in the right vocation. I want more then the dreary palliative role of a leader a church that has doomed itself by its risk averse determination to decline as its only dreams are lost in the past.

My that was gloomy wasn’t it. I have just watched the Netflix episode of the Crown called “Moondust” which explores the 48-year-old Prince Philip’s fascination with the moon landing and its role in his midlife crisis. I can’t help wondering if this feeling so eloquently expressed through the acting of Tobias Menzies has captured my own feelings as I enter my 48th year in 2020.

The truth is I want to be more than I am and feel trapped by the systems of my vocation, my time consumed by the agendas of those older than I am while I make apologies to those younger for the inadequacies of our current position.

For now I will still gaze longingly upward at the silver light and take in the surface in wonder, I will dare to continue to dream of new worlds and let my imagination play with possibilities. I will choose not to grow old any faster than I must. I would welcome any insight!

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